Tuesday, December 22, 2015

a Christmas rant: or why I gave myself permission to bail

Feeling drained. So are J and Bunny. The reason we did Christmas with J's mom yesterday and today, rather than with the whole extended family on the 25th, was that I knew it would be too much for us let alone Bunny.  We traveled about 2 hours on transit (bus, subway subway bus, then car) to Richmond Hill.  With all our gear (2ce as much on our way home what with presents and leftovers) and a toddler.  The problem:  She doesn't get it.  I don't know if she thinks its character building to 'suffer', or if she's forgotten what it's like to have a toddler.  Or if she's never taken transit with a baby/toddler AND 5 large bags.  She doesn't trust J enough to believe him when he tells her why we aren't going for Christmas day, or how hard it is to travel. 
I was going to go on.  But I could go on for a billion years.  And laying blame doesn't help set my mind at ease. 
I guess my point was:  I gave myself permission to back out of family events this year.  Or change plans if I need to.  The (mental and physical) health of my child (and me!) is more important.  3 days in a row crammed full of people that he rarely has met (and I see one-3 xs/year) is not worth, frankly, the aggravation. For all involved. 
Maybe we need to make more time to visit with our so called loved ones more often and dispense with these (more often than not) awful obligations.  No wonder Jason and I (and many more people) get Chrismasitis! 
I do think that a certain amount of giving is important from all involved in a family.  And by giving I don't mean gifts.  Hang the gifts.  And by hang, I mean something ruder.  I don't need (or want 3) bars of mint chocolate (I'll regret saying that late when I'm prowling the house and ending up mixing melted chocolate chips with peanut butter) 
wait...back to my point. Giving; us spending 2 hours on transit, MIL hosting and providing dinner, the teenager sucking it up and ending basement hibernation for a few hours of time with family. 
In the end though.  If I'm being insulted, if my gestures of kindness are being thrown back in my face, if my child is being humiliated (The look on his face.  He was so confused!  at almost 2.  He understood something wasn't quite right), my spouse is being disrespected, I'm done giving. 
When it stops being joyful, it needs to just stop.