Monday, April 30, 2012

rainy day lasagne

I decided to make lasagne today a few days ago.  I was worried it would be too hot out and it wouldn't be a great dinner.  (warm oven hot day yuck)  Turns out it is a perfect day!

Here is the 'recipe' for " My (dutch) moms meat lasagne"

I say 'recipe' in quotes because I learned by watching her, not by anything written down.  I've also tweaked it from how she does it too...


a sploosh of olive oil
one small onion, diced
several cloves of garlic, chopped/crushed/pressed/grated
half to one pack of ground beef
tsp or so dried basil, or oregano or majorim
a good sprinkle of cayenne pepper (we liked it spicy)
oh...a cup or 2 of mushrooms, sliced
one small/medium zucchini, grated
half to one green, red, yellow or orange sweet pepper chopped (I don't like peppers, so I don't add them, but my mom always made the peppers bigger so I could pick them out and put them on her plate, although with lasagne, it was hard, so I got them down ok)
can of whole, or puréed tomatoes (if whole, blend with a blender mom used to blend the garlic here, instead of chop it up)
tub of cottage cheese
one egg
pack of baby spinach, or bag of spinach, or pack of frozen spinach
9 lasagne noodles
half a big block mozzarella cheese, grated

-heat olive oil in a medium pot, medium heat, add onions and garlic, and cook a little, until fragrant
-add ground beef and spices and cook 'til done
-add mushrooms, zucchini and peppers and cook for a few minutes
-add can of tomatos
-bring to boil and turn down to second lowest to simmer until mushrooms are cooked

-boil water for noodles.  cook until el dente.
-put spinach into colander and poor noodles and cooking water on top to wilt spinach.  (my mom boiled water, and wilted the spinach separately, but this saves time and energy and water)
- pour cold water over noodles and spinach
- put cottage cheese in bowl and add egg (the egg holds it all together), stir in cooled wilted spinach.

- in a deep rectangle baking pan, put a thin layer of sauce, layer on 3 noodles
-add cottage cheese mix, and 3 more noodles
-a thick layer of sauce, and 3 more noodles
-evenly spread grated mozzarella

At this point you can refrigerate it, or if in an aluminium pan, freeze it.  Or turn the oven on to 350 let it heat up and pop it in until you feel it's done...yea, I go by smell, half an hour to an hour?  make sure the egg is cooked in the cottage cheese layer.  Turn the oven to broil and brown the top.

The most important and hardest part is LET IT SIT!  It needs to gel again.  Kinda like allowing meat to sit.

(pics to follow once it's out of the oven...I didn't think to write this post until it was too late!)

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I'm doing the good ol' start over.
Something I do every so often when I think I've been doing nothing but sitting at the computer all day.

Like a year and a month ago...That didn't last very long...
I think it was just too much.

This time my plan of action:
Make fertilitea
Drink cup of water while water is boiling
Stretch, starting with the bits that ache, my hips, knees and shoulders.
Get dressed,
Make breakfast
Take vitamins
Eat breakfast and drink tea.

On mornings I don't have to be at work early, I'll add in the oil pulling and morning writing again.

After work, before I sit down, I NEED to get back to my daily household chore list.  I am going to spend 20 minutes every day on one chore, and 5 minutes on each other chore.  BEFORE I SIT DOWN.  This is very important!  Once I sit, I'm toast.

And once I's time to meditate.

I hope I can make this work this time. 

Friday, April 27, 2012


Never comment on a facebook post when sick and tired and pmsing.  Esp. when you think "uh...that is a very obvious answer"

I think I've written about my lack of empathy skills.  I suck at it.  I've got compassion out the wazoo.  But stick myself in anothers situation?  fugeddaboudit.  It drives poor J nutso.

I've gone and stuck my foot in my mouth *again*

Maybe I shouldn't even press "publish" on this, 'cause I'm not *really* making any sense, and I'll probably upset even more people.

I shouldn't be sent away during my period, I should be sent away the week before.  Poor Poor world.

also, it makes me miss being pregnant.  *sigh*

Monday, April 23, 2012

a rambly update: long and boring or helpful and informative?

I seem to be able to update once a week.  This week I've thought several times about writing, but didn't have the huzpah.  Today I work at 12:30, so I'm not tired yet!

Miscarriage update:

I did indeed have a partial molar pregnancy.  We have to use birth control for 6 months (4.5 to go!) because if the tissue wasn't 100% expelled it can continue to grow, and will produce HCG hormones, exactly like pregnancy.  The info I linked to says one year, but I'll be getting monthly blood work (to test hormone levels), and hey, I'm going with my doctor, not the internet on this one!  I had been worrying about cancer, but it seems as though with a *partial* mole it's even less likely than a complete mole. 

Happy news:

My cousin had her baby Pip.  A little scary because he was almost a month early, and breech.  She ended up having a C section.  Everyone is healthy.  That's all I know because they had decided to have 2 weeks of just the 3 of them.  Updates to follow!  I'm a little envious, but very happy for them.  She's the oldest cousin, so I'm glad she got to have this first!  I hope I can take *full* advantage of handmedowns next...September/October? (here's hoping!)  the best part is my aunt and uncle (Pips Oma and Opa) had been travelling all winter and rushed home to be here for Easter.  So glad they are here now.


Edith is performing this Thursday for the first time since October.  I hope I can fit into her dress!
An acquaintance of mine had started a group for people to 'play'.  I'm hoping to join them this year to expand my learning.  I've been going to a bi monthly 'clown jam' too.  Where a nose of clowns (like a pride of lions, or a flock of birds!) get together and run through turns and develop characters.  Very helpful and encouraging.


oh boy!  J lost his job in February.  This month we are getting by by the skin of our teeth.  I am now working 2 jobs.  And working 6-7 days a week.   I went back to my old boss and picked up 2 days doing maintenance.  And of course...the reason I felt I needed to get second job was because I wasn't getting hours at Starbucks...I had 35 last week.  I'm not going to complain about it though, we just hired someone else, so I'm sure my hours will go down again...
J has an interview/test at the place he wants to work at today.  it's casual, and J doesn't know what that means...but it's more than he's doing now, and a foot in the door.

Monday, April 16, 2012

staying up and being social

This weekend I was social!
I went out Saturday, after getting up at 4:30am, and not napping (I tried, I couldn't sleep!).  I went out to a pub crawl and and fundraising event.

I do not do pub crawls, but this involved dressing like a why the heck not.  And J wanted to come, and he's even less social than I am, so I try and make sure we get out when he feels like it.  I don't do pub crawls because I (in general) don't like drunk people.  They are annoying (yes, eve you my dear friends).  I also don't enjoy the wrangling of drunk I just don't bother.
It was a rather short pub crawl, and we got there late, and it ended at the fundraiser.  And I miss my friends! so it was worth it this time! 

(I'd just like to say again, I'm SO not judging anyone for drinking, it's just not my cuppa!)

The fundraiser was a good time.  There was a section of fire performers.  I was so pleased to see them up on stage.  4/5 years ago I was going to 'circus jam' and a handful of the performers where basically starting from scratch back then.  It was quite amazing to see them up on stage, as a troupe, doing a gig.

The last DJ of the night was really great, and the best part about it was donning my clown nose with North and having Josh walk up to us with this clown expression of "holy shit!  you are HERE!" we clowned around some on the dance floor...and then North suggested the we got up there and had an impromptu dubstep turn.  It was a great confirmation for me!  Me and my clown bruthas.  I'd love to do more like that.  Have a handful of people show up at an event and clown around.  It was also fun to *really* let go.  I didn't think I cared what people thought when I danced.  But I found out with a nose on, I can be truly free.  (heh, philosophise *that*)  I left after that.

Got home around 3, and went to bed at 3:30.  Up for 23 hours.  Well worth it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

the food situation

So.  I feel like ass.  My joints ache, my head hurts and I'm feeling foul.  At this moment, I'm attributing the yuck with food. 

I decided that after Easter I was going to cut out (again!) refined sugar, wheat, coffee and most dairy.  This isn't really all that new or drastic for me, but after the miscarriage I started eating whatever I wanted. 

I'm allowing myself for now to keep black and green tea, and honey, agave and maple syrup.  This will change once I start seeing my naturaupath and acupuncturist I'm sure.

It's not worth hurting so much.  I'm ill.  This is not normal.  This can't be ageing, I'm 32! 

My assumption is inflammation.  I know that something inflames my ileo-cecal valve, and that causes pain and inflammation other places.

*time passing*

I had to look up the spelling for ileo-cecal and I found THIS! 
This is it.  I've known for a while about the valve.  In a Vitality magazine they where talking about inflammation and they described my symptoms to a T.  This is even better.  I found information on closing the valve .  I can't wait to talk to my health team about this!

I must say, after looking at a whole bunch of stuff I'm rather frutrated at the other doctors I've seen.  The GI specialist didn't even think to suggest the valve, even though I pointed directly at it and said "this is where it hurts"  oh well, I know now, and I hope this helps!

Friday, April 6, 2012

ooops, I epiphanied all over my self!

Yesterday I posted this as my status update on Facebook:

"awwww crappit. I just figured out *for sure* that the thing I am most passionate about and lights me up the most is clowning. Why is this a bad thing? other than the fact I will never be a millionaire? well, it's not...but now that I know, I need to be accountable to myself and *do the work*. ignorance is bliss. HELP! (blog post to follow, once I eat something and stop crying) I'd like to thank North (for being a great friend and clown buddy and for posting the link about the clown study, the results of which made me epiphany all over myself), Sketchy and Fesso who are Edith Checkerspot's parents, Lunacy Cabaret, Kitty for being a circus nut and finding the circus scene for me, Jean-Paul Mullet for being a great clown and inspiring me SO much, Toronto Clown for the Clown Festival that has brought so many clowns for inspiration...and you you clown friends. red nose forever. (FUCK)"

So here is my explanatory post! 

North posted in mid March on Facebook a link to a short survey titles "clown psychology"

this is what the researcher said:

Welcome to this Clown Psychology Survey
The following 12 questions are about your experience and thoughts on "theatre clown" (not balloon-animal-childrens-party clowns).

There are no right or wrong answers. I am only interested in hearing your honest experience and perspective.  All questions are optional.

By learning about others' experience of clown I will aim to develop ideas of ways clowning can inform psychology and life. If you are interested in receiving information on my research please let me know and I can send you any "discoveries" or ideas once this is complete.

Thank you VERY much for your time.


and the questions where these: 

So I filled it out (the first three questions where personal e-mail address, to get more info later) filed it away in the old memory banks.
I got an e-mail yesterday with everyone's answers! (anonymously)
So there I am.  Reading everyone's answers, nodding and uh huh-ing.  And feeling really *good*.
And I realized that...Hey!  this feels good!  wait a second, it always does, the learning and listening and watching...
And I promptly burst into tears and said "shit!".  I realized that clowning was my passion.
Now, you may be wondering why I started to cry.  I started to cry because I have been searching for my passion for as long as I've known that passions existed and most people had them.   It was the light bulb moment of  "oooohhhhhhh, *this* is what I love".  

The "shit" part was in response to, now that I *know* I have to *do*.  I am now accountable to myself to not let this get away.  To push, and learn and do.  

I am not a pusher, a learner or a doer.  I've said it before.  I am a lazy mofo.  


Except when it comes to things I'd rather be doing.  So for now I'm safe.  The next little while will be easy.  I'll go to the bi-monthly clown jam.  I'll save my pennies.  I'll perform here and there.  My prediction;  then things will get hard.  I'll have a bad critique (which will be invaluable), or I'll get stuck, or I'll be rejected.  I'll have to *work* for it.  I'll have to push though the muck and work though my discouragement.

Because I want this.  

Not fame, not fortune, not even recognition.  I want to feel good.  I want to make people feel.  SOMETHING.  'cause theatrical clown isn't just about the laughs.  It's about feeling.

I think I'm getting off topic though.  This isn't about *clown*.  This is about passion.  I have several people in my life, some of whom I'd call friends, who have followed their passions and have made something of themselves though it.  (Sadie, Baxter, Dixon,...)  

(now...just to get a little defensive...I'm not saying that people who don't/can't make their living with their passion are doing something wrong!  I'm just looking at these people with awe, and respect.  You do what you have to do to survive, I respect that in anyone)

It's a scary prospect. How do I navigate this?  

I think the first thing is to start (continue) doing it.  I won't get good (better?) but not doing it.

I want to take more classes.  I need to put a small amount of money away for classes.  

And the biggest hurdle for me.  Believing in myself.