So, I went to the Y 2 days in a row. I feel, mentally SO GOOD. Physically. SORE. But mostly in that good way. With my new plan of action, and my commitment to my daily chores, getting to the Y 3-4 days a week is very important to me. I remember why now.
I feel good.
I was starting to wonder if it was hormonal...and it might be a factor, but after sitting at home for 3 days sick, getting out and moving felt so good. Working out and grimacing though shaky abs and sweat in your eyes suck, but the after effect is great.
Like The Bloggess says, DEPRESSION IS A LYING BASTARD (I always add "and anxiety!"). I so get that when you are in the middle of it it's hard to stop and say, oh, right, depression/anxiety lie! and hit the gym. But maybe just maybe you trust someone enough to have them drag you out for a walk/run/bike ride/yoga/Zumba!. I'd suggest making a plan. Plan with someone when you aren't in the middle of it. Plan something you know you like, something that is not new. Also plan this with someone who will not get angry at you when you tell them to fuck off.
I know this doesn't cure mental illness, but the effects of exercise help deal with it better. All those good chemicals released into your brain, feeling stronger, and looking fitter. Feeling flabby and weak makes me, well, feel flabby and weak. I like looking and feeling strong. (and those two handfuls at the back of my thighs don't help either as much as I hate to admit it)
I've been working on my defensive attitude, esp. in regards to J, because he sees and interacts with me most, I need to remember he's on my side, and when he tells me it's time to get to the Y, he's just trying to help.
The second motive for getting to the Y 3-4 times a week is to actually be in good shape for Project makeBaby 2.0, I slagged off last time, and I'm glad to have another chance to be healthy.
Ka, can't get away from it, so I may as well not fight it.