friendship

When I was little, having friends wasn't hard.  We lived in a co-op with lots of other kids.  really, we just had to go outside and there where people to play with.  I had a best friend, B.W., and we'd call on eachother lots too.  When I started a new school in grade 4 I met another girl, S.S., and we became best friends too.  She has a sister the same age as mine and we'd walk home together (so cool to walk home with out our parents!) 
B.W. and I had a fight when I was 13, over a boy no less.  We eventually reconciled, but we moved away from the co-op and we drifted apart.  We're now friends on facebook though.
S.S. and I drifted apart mid high school.  We where going to different schools and making new friends.  We still saw each other some, as I became fast friends with Mr. Smith and *his* crew at the same school.  I spent most of my 17th summer with all of them.
I had a group of girls I hung out with during high school, before I met Mr. Smith too.  I often felt left out because Shir was sometimes mean and would leave me out as we where often a threesome.  I wish me, V and J could be close again.  I certainly valued their friendship.  We had some really good times.  I allowed my fascination if Mr. Smith get in my way though. 
But such is life.
Post high school I was hanging out with Mr. Smith, my boyfriend Pants and various other people.  We, with m+m all moved in together (and then I vowed never to have room mates ever again ha!)
Jimmy J (a fiend of Mr. Smith) brought me into the goth world, and while I didn't submerse myself too deep I hung out there for a while (and me Mr. Kalifornia and Blue J.) 
I feel like I floated after that.  Not connecting on a deep level with anyone.
I'm in a pretty rad community now.  And I know there are people who really like me (best feeling when walking into a party and I hear a chorus of "Rebecca!"

What brought me to writing about friendship was that I don't feel like I have a best friend any more.  I think that ended in high school.  I feel really really odd calling anyone now.  I feel as if I'm...bothering people.  (also scared of rejection)  I also feel really really shitty when people do things with out me.  When they don't think to ask me to join them.  Big events and just 'hey lets go out for dinner!".

So, as I said above, I have a pretty great community right now,  And I cherish being part of it. But I still feel like I don't have a 'go to'.  I don't want to go out to big events all the time, or I'd like to have someone call me up for a change asking if we want to meet up first for dinner.

I think part of my problem is the stoopid social media.  That makes it easy to know about events, but it gives me an excuse to not use the phone.  I hate the phone.


SO, this friday I made the decision to actually *call* people.  and it turned out fantastically.


I'm going to make an effort to actually call people.  To say hey, what are you doing tonight, or next week.  And maybe even have a chat. 

And if you don't hear from me first, give me a call!!