Friday, August 8, 2014

something has been bugging me

I've got a bee in my bonnet.
A bone to pick.
A beef.

I was talking to a pregnant friend the other day.  People had been chastising her for not asking for help.  I mentioned that she needs to get used to asking 'cause people don't follow through when they say they will once the baby is born.

I had immediate family come visit and help for a little bit.  

I had one friend come. 
One, once.

It took about 4 months for me to feel settled into my new roll. 
That was 4 months of feeling overwhelmed at one point or another during the day. 
I was (am) so blessed to have a pretty happy baby who napped and ate well.  With virtually no support I'm not sure how I would have coped if he wasn't.  Or if I had the baby blues, or worse, PPD.

I asked generally on facebook for help.  I didn't want to single out anyone.

What bugged me was that while pregnant people where SO excited.  It seemed sometimes more excited than me!  I thought that meant they where going to come help.

When J wasn't working I got to have a bath.  Cook dinner with out concern about burning it.
J has a pretty high stress job.  He helped a lot.  He was the one cleaning the house.  He was official Diaper Changer.

Obviously I got though those 4 months.  Things could have been better.  Things could have been WAY worse.

I am imploring you.  Have a friend who is going to have a baby? Go visit. Go give them company.  She will likely be a little brain dead, and not a great conversationalist, but adult company will be great!  Sweep the floor, do the dishes, bring food, hold the baby while she has a shower.  All of those would be amazing, one a blessing.
No need to stay for 5 hours (she likely doesn't want you there for 5 hours). 
Also:  visit after that first month!  She still has a baby, and dirty dishes.  She still needs to eat and bathe, and talk to another adult!

We still need our village.

Oh, and 6 months in, although I'm feeling overwhelmed a lot less frequently, I'm finding myself needing a break.  A break from being on all day and night.  A friend is coming over for a bit this morning to watch Lionel while I sit in a cafe and read a book.  What?  Yea, I could be cleaning the house, reorganizing the bedroom etc. etc.  Instead, I'm taking a much needed mental break. 

1 comment:

  1. Hear, hear! I'm with you 100%, Becca. Adjusting to new roles is difficult, especially when it's one that's so demanding.

    And good for you for a mental break!--that's far more important than executing those perpetual chores. A mental recharge goes a lot further for your well-being.