Sunday Morning

I have this amazing sense of peace right now.  I was about to say I wish I could share it with you, but I can in a way, after I write this I'll do a tonglen meditation directed specifically at those who are reading this post!  Cool.

This is a much nicer feeling than I had yesterday.  First day of my cycle is always the pits.  Tired, grumpy and sore.  It's amazingly hard to remember to accept when I'm feeling so terrible.  I took a pill instead.  I had a conversation with my mom once regarding remembering to notice and accept your moods.  She advised that in the beginning it doesn't matter *when* you notice.  Just that you do.  If it hits you a week later that you where a real grump, that's ok.  Accept it and move forward.  The more you remember the sooner you notice, and one day you will notice *before* a negative reaction happens.  I want to stress the word reaction.  Emotions are emotions and are there for a reason.  Anger isn't BAD.  Hitting is bad though.  Get my drift?

I'm getting too deep for a Sunday morning now. Ha ha.  I'm going to go back to listening to the rain and enjoying my coffee and waiting for Kiki to come drop in.  (geeze, she's up early on a Sunday!  good thing I've already lazed abed for over an hour already)

Don't let this rainy day get you down.  Here is an early morning November Rose.

just a moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A change

There is a change in me.
I'm not so...jaded...as I thought I was.
Since I've been at the cafe, I've realized, I don't really hate people.  Gosh,. for the longest time I did.  ugh.  But lately I've noticed that the kinds of things that use to bug me, just, don't.  I know that people are dumb, so it must be me who has changed.  Being nice, or liking people still doesn't come naturally to me, but this shift is interesting.
Not sure if it's been my dabble into Buddhism, or therapy, or just getting older.  But you know me, I don't really care why.  Hells, I *smile* at strangers, and it doesn't feel forced.
Although, it would be kinda nice to be able to tell you my secret so people could learn from me.  Oh well, a guru I am not.

walking

I decided I didn't want to listen to music walking home last night.  It's about a half hour walk.  I decided that I was going to 'be in the moment'.  I was, and it was a good walk.  I practiced tonglen, and smiled at strangers.  (aren't I amazing?)  I did some passive thinking, had conversations with people.  I got to thinking about how a lot of people see Buddhism and kind of martyrdom.  Taking on suffering and suffering in it.  It's not like that at all.  Tonglen practice is simply breathing in the feeling of suffering, taking it, changing it, and breath out, essentially, the opposite.  I like to think in analogies, so I came up with this:  it's like baking a cake.  you put in all these raw, potentially harmful ingredients into an oven, and it processes and is something 'good'.  Don't ask me how.  It just is.

early thinking

trying out writing an early post.

What is on my mind is thinking.
Specifically thinking too much.
There are several people in my life that think too much.  One is J.  I won't out the others.  If you know me, and are reading this, this is not a cryptic 'you know who you are' post!  I *promise* I'm not judging.

I don't sit and think things through.  I go with my gut.  Sometimes it back fires.  But really, more often than not, things go as smoothly as life can go.  I swear to golly, every time I make lists and consult the stars and think things though, life/universe/God/whathaveyou say "heh, look, she's planning again.  ha ha, she's trying to figure it all out"  things go to shit.  and maybe things would have gone to shit *anyway*, but in the meantime I've stressed myself out with numbers and stars and +/- lists.

For example.  In 2010 we where all set to get pregnant.  It was all I was thinking about.  It was what I was planning.  I was going to get pregnant *this* month, and work the full season.  and then.  J's back happened.  GIANT WRNECH.  Similarly this year, specificity with baby plans.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  The  one thing I deeply think about and try and plan.

Maybe it's because I don't like to be disappointed.  Fly by the seat of my pants, I get what I get.

I don't want you to think I just float along, not planning.  My point is more about the type of person who analyses every angle and gets stressed out, eventually makes a choice,  and then is inevitably disappointed in the outcome because they have built it up and made this scenario that didn't factor in "shit happens"

J sees my point of view and thinks I don't care.  J thinks I brush off the responsibility of thinking things through.  I often say.  "It will be ok"  When I say that I don't mean everything will work out in our favour, or that all our dreams will come true, or even that we will *like* the outcome, but that we will survive, and do all we can do, because we always have.

Christmas making

So, like last year, I can't really talk about a lot of the gifts I'm making here, at least not *before* Christmas...someone might not be surprised!

So, in the mean time, until I can reveal what I'm making, here are a few posts from last Chrismas that might inspire your making this year!

Here is the tutorial for the bodum cozy.  I made one for my mom, J and my dad.  They all though it was great!
http://beccasnb.blogspot.com/2011/03/tutorialthursday-french-press-cozy.html

Maybe someone would like a home made day planner?
http://beccasnb.blogspot.com/2011/01/day-planner.html

some of the things I made/bought last year
http://beccasnb.blogspot.com/2010/12/giftmas-roll-call.html
and some photos of what I made
http://beccasnb.blogspot.com/2010/12/holiday-making-share.html
http://beccasnb.blogspot.com/2011/01/pom-pom.html

I thought I did a tutorial for the leg warmers.  hrrm.

any who.  keep your eyes peeled for a few Christmas making posts!  Not everyone is reading this (I hope!)

this week in foods

FEW!  what with working so much, I haven't been feeding us very well.  I had J take over dinners a few nights.  I'm off earlier on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I can do a little moreand make something that we can have as leftovers.  And now...what'll it be?

Sunday-lentil soup
Monday-lentil soup
Tuesday-a chicken and rice
Wednesday-chicken curry...and rice.  I think I'm going to try it in the slow cooker!
Thursday-spaghetti
Friday-spaghetti
Saturday-out