early thinking

trying out writing an early post.

What is on my mind is thinking.
Specifically thinking too much.
There are several people in my life that think too much.  One is J.  I won't out the others.  If you know me, and are reading this, this is not a cryptic 'you know who you are' post!  I *promise* I'm not judging.

I don't sit and think things through.  I go with my gut.  Sometimes it back fires.  But really, more often than not, things go as smoothly as life can go.  I swear to golly, every time I make lists and consult the stars and think things though, life/universe/God/whathaveyou say "heh, look, she's planning again.  ha ha, she's trying to figure it all out"  things go to shit.  and maybe things would have gone to shit *anyway*, but in the meantime I've stressed myself out with numbers and stars and +/- lists.

For example.  In 2010 we where all set to get pregnant.  It was all I was thinking about.  It was what I was planning.  I was going to get pregnant *this* month, and work the full season.  and then.  J's back happened.  GIANT WRNECH.  Similarly this year, specificity with baby plans.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  The  one thing I deeply think about and try and plan.

Maybe it's because I don't like to be disappointed.  Fly by the seat of my pants, I get what I get.

I don't want you to think I just float along, not planning.  My point is more about the type of person who analyses every angle and gets stressed out, eventually makes a choice,  and then is inevitably disappointed in the outcome because they have built it up and made this scenario that didn't factor in "shit happens"

J sees my point of view and thinks I don't care.  J thinks I brush off the responsibility of thinking things through.  I often say.  "It will be ok"  When I say that I don't mean everything will work out in our favour, or that all our dreams will come true, or even that we will *like* the outcome, but that we will survive, and do all we can do, because we always have.