Wednesday, November 2, 2011

i am frusterated

I am Grumpy.  I don't mean that I'm grumpy today, or when I'm PMSing.  I have come to the realization that I *really* don't like people.I see people I consider friends on my terms see?  I don't feel like being social, I don't go out.  (huh, do I cancel plans a lot?? I'm sorry if I do.)
The people I've spoken to about the way I act around and treat J don't understand.  "but you are so loving and sweet!"  my reply, "That's because you don't live with me."  Don't get me wrong, I *am* loving and sweet to J, just not all the time.  Most if the time I'm a bit of a jerk. 
Part of the problem is I'm not all that self aware.  That is changing some.
Part of it is entitlement.
Those things = mega bitch. 

(one day when Pickle was here we made super hero/villain names, J was Captain Obvious,Pickle was...huh, I can't remember, but I was The Pain.)

J deals with it fairly well, but when he has his own problems he doesn't.

For example.  I've been noticing (yay...self aware) that the last couple days I've been super grumpy.  In part because I have been sick, and not breathing properly since Thursday.  Not an excuse, just a reason.  Jason does this thing where he glances at me, over and over, when I'm in a mood, and since I'm in a mood, I finally 'say' "What!?".  And he does the "oh...nothing" thing.  This morning I say "Please stop being passive aggressive and just TELL ME what I'm doing that is bothering you?"  (because a lot of the time I really don't know how bitchy I am)  His big thing is getting defensive, so, because *he* is stressed out (oh life and your curve balls), says "fine, I'll just be aggressive, don't talk to me today"  and *I* say "next time try being assertive instead of aggressive and just tell me what's wrong"

We haven't spoken since. 

Wait, what was I talking about?

Me being a grump. 
We have Sisu staying with us.  I like her.  She's an excellent room mate.  But having someone in my space has made me realise how anti social I really am.  *sigh*  (so Sisu, if you are reading this, it's me not you!)

I think things are worse *right now* because I'm not working, *and* I have a broken finger in a huge splint *and* have bronchitis so I have hardly been out of the house for almost a week.  And sex with bronchitis...ha.

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