weaning

Bunny is 2 years and 9 months (on the 25th).  We're breastfeeding morning, noon and night, or, when we wake up, nurse to sleep for nap, and nurse before lights out, not to sleep at bedtime.
My first breastfeeding goal was at the very least a year, then at least 2 years.  I felt happy with 2 because World Health Organization suggests 2 years and beyond is beneficial.  There unfortunately is little to no information about breastfeeding past 2 years. (and no, Breastfeeding at night does NOT cause cavities, food left in the mouth causes cavities).
So we've surpassed that goal by 9 months.  No one was ready on his second birthday.  I've been slowly feeling ready to wean.  I'm just done.  I feel a bit resentful and physically uncomfortable.  I knew I also needed to take Bunny's feelings into consideration.  It's all he's known.  Thankfully Dada has taken over at least 2 naps/week, and w few nights too.  So we know Bunny can sleep with out me. 
So recently I've been thinking on how the heck I can do this as gently as possible.  La Leche League suggests an approach of "don't offer, don't refuse.".  Other advice I've heard is to start a strict schedule if you have been nursing on demand (Like I had been).  So I combined the 2!  I've started a don't offer, don't refuse, during morning noon and night, and refusing all other times.  Ie."it's not mommy milk time right now.  It's not nap/bed time" and not offering at nap and bed and waiting for him to ask.  I have added one caveat, and that is if he gets really sick or hurt. My antibodies, quick nutrition, and breastmilk can also act as a mild analgesic, not to mention comfort. 
We're going slow and gentle to keep my hormones as stable as possible. 
I haven't nursed in 14 hours.  My breasts hurt!  I'm feeling a little sad, but mostly relieved.

New career

I just signed up for a postpartum doula course with Doula Training Canada!

Before I gave birth I was considering being a birth doula.  Well, at the moment, I don't have to constitution for it.  The intensity, the blood, the really odd not consistent hours, the blood.  Did I mention the possibility of blood?  I can talk about, and deal with my own.  I'm terrified for the day Bunny gets a gash.  But talk about or show me blood.  nerp.  So that was out.  Maybe one day I might feel passionate enough about it to try.  But I doubt it.
So with my own postpartum I found out there where women who helped families postpartum.  Educated them, helped with baby care, help with household care, helped with spouse and sibling integration, and 'mothered the mother' as they say. 

Doula Canada also has a birth educator course, and for months now I've been trying to decide what to do first.  I went with Postpartum Doula because.  I don't know.  I just did.  I want to do both, and I will. 

So, are you having a baby in 2017??  give me a ping!  I can help.  I'll need hours helping families.

no yelling - anticipation

A mixed bag so far.  Almost 3 weeks in.  Half yelling, half not.  And a whole week no yelling!  wot!?  Anger yes.  Rage whispering yes.  But no screaming. 

So I find myself being most angry when I haven't anticipated that he'll have a melt down. 
Or when I'm in pain.  I have absolutely no patience when I have a headache or joint pain or feel queasy.

I have a mild migraine right now, so I'll sign off.  I have more to talk about, but wanted to do a quick update.

and back to 0

No yelling update. Back to 0. Got through day one, but had (unrelated?) nightmares and woke up grumpy and had a hard, hard time. Janet Lansbury re-posted an article on her Facebook page about staying unruffled. Unruffled will be my new word. Water off a ducks back. Easier said than done. I'm also finding yelling isn't my only problem.  I guess anger is my problem.  I don't always yell, but sometime don't act very nicely. And that's why I;m doing this challenge.  To become more mindful. 

Orange Rhino Challenge (ie. no yelling)

I've been finding myself yelling, shouting and sometimes even screaming at Bunny for no good reason at all (good reasons include: Safety, and, um, safety). 
I want to stop. 
I decided a week or so ago to try the Orange Rhino Challenge.  TORC was started by a mom, with no official background in child education or psychology.  She just knew she wanted, or needed, to stop yelling.
First I spent the time before Sept. 1 thinking about when I yelled, and why.  What are my triggers?  What makes me steamy?
For me it's not making messes, being loud or displaying emotion.  It's being defiant. 
"DUDE!  JUST DO WHAT I'M ASKING!" is the typical thing that comes out. 

So my end goal is 365 days not yelling.  That's really just a visual.  Something to track.  My real goal is to be conscious.  Conscious of my emotions and how I express them. 

When I yell, I go to day 0 again.

I'm still thinking about exactly what my barometer will be.  TOR (The Orange Rhino, she decided to stay anonymous) has a Yelling Meter and her own set of rules.  I'll need to figure out exactly what my rules are.

So far today has been good.  Came close a few times.  Somewhere between a 3 and 4.  I'm also in a good mood, so that helps.  Give me a few weeks when my cycle changes *ahem*.  My diet also effects how I feel.  Wheat makes me angry.  Too much sugar makes my joints hurt, and I feel grumpy.  I need to make sure I sleep.  I'm also tracking how often I do yoga.  Aiming for 28 days morning and night.

I'm going to try to set up a tracker here to keep accountable!

Words

Now that Bunny is talking like a maniac, trying to put sentences together, I'm more careful than ever about the way I use words.
And I'm going to set one thing straight.  I swear in front of him.  I don't name call, but, well, I have a potty mouth.  I've curbed it some, but when I'm mad a 'fuck' and 'shit' come out.  and that's ok.  But that's not what I'm talking about here. 
I'm talking about being intentional about how I phrase things. 
I say fire fighter, mail carrier, police officer, garbage collector, backhoe operator, *whatever* worker/driver/person over ending all of those with 'man'.  Sure, most of them are men, but I'm trying to be inclusive.
I try to narrate what he's doing, rather than over praising.  "wow!  you got to the top!!  Look at that!".  "Are you cleaning the table?  That is a kind thing to do.",  rather than so many "GOOD JOB!"s. 
I'm careful with how I say 'no' and 'stop'.  Reversing it if you will.  "slow feet", "soft voice", "gentle hands".  Although stop and no come out a lot.
The intentional speech that made me think about writing this is using the word thoughtful.  Mostly in the place of helpful.  Because, lets be real.  2.5 year olds are not often actually helpful.  He does try though.  I want to make it clear that I notice, and make it clear when he really *is* being helpful.  Because there are a few tasks he does that is helpful.  Putting laundry in, or out of, the dryer.  Wiping up pee accidents.  Opening doors. 
I also use the word kind.  I don't tell him he is kind (even though he is).  I tell him he is being kind.  That what he is doing is a kind action.  I also say the opposite.  Than an action is unkind.
Any thing you are intentional about saying?

New things to come?

So I may have spoken too soon about starting up again!
We just got J's new schedule. 
He is guaranteed 8 shifts/month (yes...you read that right, per month.  that is our budget)
He generally is given a few more to cover peoples days off. 
July he has 23 days scheduled.  Almost 3 times as many.  No weekends off.  His one scheduled day off is Thursday, where he works at the massage clinic.  Across town.  So, 27 days.  He has Mondays off. 
The kicker?  I started a part time job.  He watches Lionel while I work.  I come home 5 minutes before he leaves for work. 

Any tips for avoiding burn out!?

So.  I may not be here much.  I'll be needing this down time for making sure the household is running smoothly.  And, well, maybe napping.

a rejig

Lionel's Granny did a 'past life card reading' for me this weekend.  Like tarot cards, except dealing with how my past lives are effecting me now.  I don't know how much I really believe in stuff like that, but if one keeps their mind open, it can get the gears turning. 
The cards told me I had been killed in a war or battle in a past life.  I died fighting. (and therefor have a temper in this life...ahem)
The next card, pertaining to why I asked the question, said that I was a writer (in past life), and encouraged me to write if I wanted to.  (and here I am).  There was something about helping the underdog in there too.
The middle card was prison.  Pertaining to the right now, in regards to my question.  And indeed.  I AM feeling trapped.
The last card was priestess. The last card is representing how a past life can help my immediate future, or to help a future life.  Again, the guide book talked about helping the underdog.
(there was way more explained in the guidebook, but I forget)

So, what was my question?  "will we have another baby?"

I don't feel like 'the cards' answered that question.  But they did answer the question I've been asking myself for a while.  Should I pursue becoming a birth educator and postpartum doula?

I think the answer is a resounding yes.

If I start to write about that I'll likely start a new blog, and keep this one personal.
For now, I'd like to make myself a schedule of regular posts. 
I've stopped napping with Lionel, so on day's I'm not working, I'm planning on writing during nap.