and back to 0

No yelling update. Back to 0. Got through day one, but had (unrelated?) nightmares and woke up grumpy and had a hard, hard time. Janet Lansbury re-posted an article on her Facebook page about staying unruffled. Unruffled will be my new word. Water off a ducks back. Easier said than done. I'm also finding yelling isn't my only problem.  I guess anger is my problem.  I don't always yell, but sometime don't act very nicely. And that's why I;m doing this challenge.  To become more mindful. 

Orange Rhino Challenge (ie. no yelling)

I've been finding myself yelling, shouting and sometimes even screaming at Bunny for no good reason at all (good reasons include: Safety, and, um, safety). 
I want to stop. 
I decided a week or so ago to try the Orange Rhino Challenge.  TORC was started by a mom, with no official background in child education or psychology.  She just knew she wanted, or needed, to stop yelling.
First I spent the time before Sept. 1 thinking about when I yelled, and why.  What are my triggers?  What makes me steamy?
For me it's not making messes, being loud or displaying emotion.  It's being defiant. 
"DUDE!  JUST DO WHAT I'M ASKING!" is the typical thing that comes out. 

So my end goal is 365 days not yelling.  That's really just a visual.  Something to track.  My real goal is to be conscious.  Conscious of my emotions and how I express them. 

When I yell, I go to day 0 again.

I'm still thinking about exactly what my barometer will be.  TOR (The Orange Rhino, she decided to stay anonymous) has a Yelling Meter and her own set of rules.  I'll need to figure out exactly what my rules are.

So far today has been good.  Came close a few times.  Somewhere between a 3 and 4.  I'm also in a good mood, so that helps.  Give me a few weeks when my cycle changes *ahem*.  My diet also effects how I feel.  Wheat makes me angry.  Too much sugar makes my joints hurt, and I feel grumpy.  I need to make sure I sleep.  I'm also tracking how often I do yoga.  Aiming for 28 days morning and night.

I'm going to try to set up a tracker here to keep accountable!

Words

Now that Bunny is talking like a maniac, trying to put sentences together, I'm more careful than ever about the way I use words.
And I'm going to set one thing straight.  I swear in front of him.  I don't name call, but, well, I have a potty mouth.  I've curbed it some, but when I'm mad a 'fuck' and 'shit' come out.  and that's ok.  But that's not what I'm talking about here. 
I'm talking about being intentional about how I phrase things. 
I say fire fighter, mail carrier, police officer, garbage collector, backhoe operator, *whatever* worker/driver/person over ending all of those with 'man'.  Sure, most of them are men, but I'm trying to be inclusive.
I try to narrate what he's doing, rather than over praising.  "wow!  you got to the top!!  Look at that!".  "Are you cleaning the table?  That is a kind thing to do.",  rather than so many "GOOD JOB!"s. 
I'm careful with how I say 'no' and 'stop'.  Reversing it if you will.  "slow feet", "soft voice", "gentle hands".  Although stop and no come out a lot.
The intentional speech that made me think about writing this is using the word thoughtful.  Mostly in the place of helpful.  Because, lets be real.  2.5 year olds are not often actually helpful.  He does try though.  I want to make it clear that I notice, and make it clear when he really *is* being helpful.  Because there are a few tasks he does that is helpful.  Putting laundry in, or out of, the dryer.  Wiping up pee accidents.  Opening doors. 
I also use the word kind.  I don't tell him he is kind (even though he is).  I tell him he is being kind.  That what he is doing is a kind action.  I also say the opposite.  Than an action is unkind.
Any thing you are intentional about saying?

New things to come?

So I may have spoken too soon about starting up again!
We just got J's new schedule. 
He is guaranteed 8 shifts/month (yes...you read that right, per month.  that is our budget)
He generally is given a few more to cover peoples days off. 
July he has 23 days scheduled.  Almost 3 times as many.  No weekends off.  His one scheduled day off is Thursday, where he works at the massage clinic.  Across town.  So, 27 days.  He has Mondays off. 
The kicker?  I started a part time job.  He watches Lionel while I work.  I come home 5 minutes before he leaves for work. 

Any tips for avoiding burn out!?

So.  I may not be here much.  I'll be needing this down time for making sure the household is running smoothly.  And, well, maybe napping.

a rejig

Lionel's Granny did a 'past life card reading' for me this weekend.  Like tarot cards, except dealing with how my past lives are effecting me now.  I don't know how much I really believe in stuff like that, but if one keeps their mind open, it can get the gears turning. 
The cards told me I had been killed in a war or battle in a past life.  I died fighting. (and therefor have a temper in this life...ahem)
The next card, pertaining to why I asked the question, said that I was a writer (in past life), and encouraged me to write if I wanted to.  (and here I am).  There was something about helping the underdog in there too.
The middle card was prison.  Pertaining to the right now, in regards to my question.  And indeed.  I AM feeling trapped.
The last card was priestess. The last card is representing how a past life can help my immediate future, or to help a future life.  Again, the guide book talked about helping the underdog.
(there was way more explained in the guidebook, but I forget)

So, what was my question?  "will we have another baby?"

I don't feel like 'the cards' answered that question.  But they did answer the question I've been asking myself for a while.  Should I pursue becoming a birth educator and postpartum doula?

I think the answer is a resounding yes.

If I start to write about that I'll likely start a new blog, and keep this one personal.
For now, I'd like to make myself a schedule of regular posts. 
I've stopped napping with Lionel, so on day's I'm not working, I'm planning on writing during nap.

a Christmas rant: or why I gave myself permission to bail

Feeling drained. So are J and Bunny. The reason we did Christmas with J's mom yesterday and today, rather than with the whole extended family on the 25th, was that I knew it would be too much for us let alone Bunny.  We traveled about 2 hours on transit (bus, subway subway bus, then car) to Richmond Hill.  With all our gear (2ce as much on our way home what with presents and leftovers) and a toddler.  The problem:  She doesn't get it.  I don't know if she thinks its character building to 'suffer', or if she's forgotten what it's like to have a toddler.  Or if she's never taken transit with a baby/toddler AND 5 large bags.  She doesn't trust J enough to believe him when he tells her why we aren't going for Christmas day, or how hard it is to travel. 
I was going to go on.  But I could go on for a billion years.  And laying blame doesn't help set my mind at ease. 
I guess my point was:  I gave myself permission to back out of family events this year.  Or change plans if I need to.  The (mental and physical) health of my child (and me!) is more important.  3 days in a row crammed full of people that he rarely has met (and I see one-3 xs/year) is not worth, frankly, the aggravation. For all involved. 
Maybe we need to make more time to visit with our so called loved ones more often and dispense with these (more often than not) awful obligations.  No wonder Jason and I (and many more people) get Chrismasitis! 
I do think that a certain amount of giving is important from all involved in a family.  And by giving I don't mean gifts.  Hang the gifts.  And by hang, I mean something ruder.  I don't need (or want 3) bars of mint chocolate (I'll regret saying that late when I'm prowling the house and ending up mixing melted chocolate chips with peanut butter) 
wait...back to my point. Giving; us spending 2 hours on transit, MIL hosting and providing dinner, the teenager sucking it up and ending basement hibernation for a few hours of time with family. 
In the end though.  If I'm being insulted, if my gestures of kindness are being thrown back in my face, if my child is being humiliated (The look on his face.  He was so confused!  at almost 2.  He understood something wasn't quite right), my spouse is being disrespected, I'm done giving. 
When it stops being joyful, it needs to just stop.

a couple slow cooker recipes

How very exciting.  My first real post since April, and it's recipes for the slow cooker. 
I don't even have snazzy photos. 
*shrug*
This is actually for me for when I forget what I'm doing.
both of these are great on the stove too.

Mild chicken curry

1 tbsp fat
1 onion, sliced
4 tbsp curry power/paste*
1 small/med butternut squash (or your choice!!), diced
1 large potato, diced
1 large tomato, diced
4 chicken breasts (or meat of choice), diced (sub in chickpeas if you want a hearty veg option)
1 cup red lentils
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup coconut milk
1 bunch of spinach, chopped

Saute onions until light brown, add curry powder, cook until fragrant
Chuck onions, squash, potato, tomato, chicken and lentils into slow cooker.  Toss. Add chicken stock
Either put it in the fridge, or cook now.
I think I cooked it for 6 hours first on high, then on low for 2-3 hours.  I have no doubt it was done before then.
Add spinach and stir to wilt.  Add coconut milk, stir.  Serve over rice

*I make my own curry powder.
1tbsp each whole coriander, cumin, cardamom, fennel. ground up, sieve to remove the shells.
1/2 tbsp fenugreek
3 tbsp turmeric
Stir it all up!


Sausage and bean stew
(thanks to Mrs. MacDonald for serving a version of this to us on Halloween)






4-6 sausage, sliced
1 onion, diced
1 tbsp fat
1tbsp flour
1 zucchini, diced
1 celery stick, diced
1 red pepper, diced
1 can beans of choice, drained
1 can diced tomatos

Saute onion in fat until light brown, add flour and cook a few minutes.
toss everything else in slow cooker.
cook on high for 2 hours, and low for however long it takes to be done.
serve over rice or pasta or spaghetti squash!