Friday, August 19, 2011


I have a friend, we'll call him Beat.  Beat is one of my favourite people.  I struggle with that.  Because Beat is male, and I'm a lady, and married.  (wait hold on, keep reading!)  I think that in a different life/time I might have been interested in being with Beat on a romantic level (no really...just listen).  I don't allow my mind to go there, because I am fiercely in love with J.  It's not even an option.  
Any way...I'm not writing about this because I'm concerned about my marriage in this regard.  That is rock solid. 
I'm writing about Beat because I struggle with my friendship with him. 
In the past, before marriage, I have been sexually active with, I'd say, 90% of my male friends.  and 75% of that 90% was because they where with someone.  (sometimes not because *I* was *shame*)
Beat and I have a lot in common.   This could also be said for another friend, North.  Same thing, different boy.  ANYWAY. 
Now that you think I'm a perfect n00b, and that I don't respect my marriage vows (that for your information we are renewing in September!)
I read a blog post recently by a new friend (a girl!!!) talking about love energy.

"How often do we sabotage ourselves against pleasure and love?  What's it like to really open to the possibility of allowing loving energy to move through our bodies?  And IF we actually let ourselves feel that, do we let ourselves share that with a partner?! ...we get worried, like "Oh, I am not supposed to be feeling pleasure with this person (or in this environment, or by myself)" so we shut it down, turn it off, and stop feeling.  We are basically sabotaging ourselves from feeling our own true, innate nature!"

I feel great pleasure and love when I am with (specifically) these two people.  I feel a great connection, one that is different than I feel with J.  And it's a little scary, because I am heterosexual, and both these guys like girls, strong energy is generally seen as 'chemistry' and that often leads to buh buh buh sex.

If these boys where girls it would be a different story and we'd be bffs and I wouldn't be scared.

So...what was my point.  I don't think I had one.  but I wanted to #1, share L's blog post because I found the concept interesting, and worth sharing, and valid to my terrible plight of feeling a connection to men other than my Hubby.  And #2 share these feeling because I wonder if I am alone in this, and if anyone has truly had a platonic, loving, NON SEXUAL opposite sex friendship work.  A *real* friendship, one you would have with someone of the same sex (or not your type sex) and it wouldn't be weird.

Is this something that would be worth talking to these guys about? 

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