ghasp...

This is not a post about pregnancy.

I made nut butter today!  So easy!

1. Get some nuts.  Whatever nuts you like.  Almonds, cashews, hazelnuts...use one type or use them all.  Use seeds, like pumpkin or sunflower.  I choose to use raw, because according to Oprah, and well, actual experts, when you roast nuts you change the really GOOD fat into TRANS fat *buh buh buh*.
2. Put them in a food processor.  A little less than the height shaft of the blade bit.  I added, like a half tsp. of salt.  I think it might be too much...but then, I always get unsalted peanut butter.
3. Stick the lid on, and buzz away.  It will crumble, then turn kinda dough like.  Keep and eye on it and scrape down the sides.  Keep buzzing til it's how you like it.  10 or so minutes?  I forget to time it...another tutorial said 15...but there is no way it took that long.
4. Stick it on a jar, or tupperware or make a sandwich.
5. The oils will naturally separate, just give it a stir before you use it if it does.  Oh and keep it in the fridge so it won't go rancid as fast.

oh, SURE

so NOW I get 'morning' sickness.  I stopped taking my vitamins because they where making me ill.  Rizo got the filoc acid he needed (according to several sources), I'm waiting for some $ so I can get a different, better brand so I can keep nourishing both of us.  Now a week later, I've been feeling ill every time I eat.  harumph.  And I'm constipated.  Oh the joys the joys.  Sorry if you have NO desire to hear about this lol.

Some changes in the past week or so:
I'm not quite as tired as I have been.  I'm still tired, but I don't fall asleep if I sit down.
I've got the pregnancy thirst now.  My naturopath gave me a recipe for an electrolyte drink so I keep properly hydrated.
There is a lot of pressure/discomfort in my abdomen.  Some of it might be the constipation, but some of it is the uterus growing.
My breasts aren't so sore, and they have stopped growing (for now...)


I went to see a naturopath the other day.  My diet is pretty good.  He wants me to eat more protein in the mornings, and to make sure I'm eating fat and protein when I eat carbs (like fruit and cheese or nuts...)
I got a b12 shot.  He's hoping it will help with my anxiety and energy levels.  So far it hasn't helped with the energy part.  He said it might not happen after the first one.

Still waiting on a midwife call.  I'll call Monday if I don't hear from them.

Spoons, and how to use them wisely

So, I am TIRED.

I have taken to using the term 'spoons' for how much energy I have to do things.  The idea comes from this article.

Calculating how many spoons you have is a hard task.  I'm looking forward to 2nd trimester when I get my spoons back!

I missed Lunacy Cabaret last night because I used all my spoons helping friends with a move yesterday.  I'm glad I did, they needed help, and I had the day off.  But I have to know now that I need to count my spoons more closely.  I need to rest today to make sure I have energy for work tomorrow.

I'm having a really good pregnancy, and I'm not sure *why* anyone does this more than once!  ha ha.

a little note

to say:

eeeeeeeeeee!!

It looks like we have a midwife! I still need a call back finding out who, but boy am I relieved.

I had called 5 clinics about 2 weeks ago.  2 called saying I was on the wait list.  I called one today and told they where still figuring out who was going to be accepted, and then I called Seventh Generation.  Because Jason has aboriginal background (Metis) we got in right away!  I'm looking forward to having some aboriginal influence to the birth.

Protect IP (eeeeeeeee!)

Hey, so there is something about blacking out your web site in protest today...I don't have the skillz but I can direct you a few places...
The movement is in protest of internet censorship, here are a couple videos that might help educate.  I'm not sure what to do about it...but the more we know the better right?

http://vimeo.com/31100268

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zCNa1XSwdw&feature=youtu.be


*edit*

I'm logging off the internet for the day.  I hope you can pass this message along and do the same.

tai chi and the art of letting go to be powerful

I've started taking tai chi.  My mom took it at the community centre when I was younger.  and I took a couple classes around 16 or so.  I had been available Tuesday and Thursday mornings when the classes at the Y where on, so I went for it. 

I told my instructors I am pregnant, and they where both kinda bemused as to why I was telling them.  I think mostly because tai chi is so low impact they didn't see why it would matter.  I didn't think it would really, but I just wanted to be sure.  There seems to be some energy work, and I didn't want to work the wrong energy.

It turns out, tai chi is going to be SO GOOD.  I'm learning to balance my pelvis better.  I'm learning to breath.  first step, breath with your movements.  Second step, have your breath move you!  once you know the moves (for example, in out warm up sequence) you can move your hands with your breath, rather than move your hand with your intent.  (is that too weird?  does that make any sense to anyone *not* taking tai chi?)  I talk a lot about mindfulness.  This is a way to be mindful and right now.  It's easy to get caught up in thinking when doing a movement, but when you can allow your breath to take over you can really feel.  I have a feeling I'm going to be doing several types of tai chi walking while in labour.

We also talked about yin and yang.  Yin is soft,Yang is hard. Yin is stillness,Yang is movement. The sun is yang, the moon is yin. Female is Yin, Man is Yang. Yin is Intuitive,Yang is Logical. YET, you absolutely can not have one with out the other.  There is always a flow.  Like the breath.  You (I hope) never stop breathing.  You don't stop at the top of your breath, you just breath out.  The instructor was saying that Yin is impermanence, and Yang is permanence.  Weak and strong.  but what happens to a tree when it stays 'strong', hard, 'manly'?  it breaks, the types of trees that survive longer are the ones that flow, and bend and submit.  I was thinking about labour, and how the force of labour is like Yang, hard, movement, sort of seeming permanent, in the strength of it (does that make *any* sense?), but I need to allow myself to be Yin, I need to be soft, still and intuitive...female, and know that it's not permanent.  Power is not always the hard moving, brightly shining logical man.  Isn't there truth in "behind every great man is a great woman"?  lol.  wait...how did this become about feminism?!  ha ha.

anywhozzles.  I'm really excited to continue with the tai chi. 
I'm the youngest there by oh...30 years or so.  I'll have a lot of excited Tai Chi ladies rooting me on once I begin to show!  I also wonder about wearing Rizo once he/she is born to tai chi...

feelin' groovy

#1-God help me, I'm on pinterest.  I've already got a whole lot in the Rizo board.  I have a photography, food and crafty board too.  Meanwhile I need to re-organize our bedroom to get it Rizo ready...but who needs to *clean* when a baby is on it's way?  pffttt.  I'm thinking this is a good way to show people the kind of toys/clothes/items we are interested in for Rizo.  um...ie.  there is NO PLASTIC!  YAY!

#2-somehow Simon and Garfunkle's "Feelin' Groovy" got on my i-pod.  I'm so glad it did.  It's our first real snow of the season...this one will hole...at least until it' gets to + 10 again next week.  ANYWAY.  I have a mental list of songs that I want/have learned to play on the guitar for my future babies.  This is now on the list and I've spent the last hour learning and playing Feelin' Groovy.  Some other songs on the list are:

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Good Day Sunshine- The Beatles (HEY!  spell check knows who The Beatles are!  COOL...and Bob Marley)
Good Morning Starshine - Hair (even though I dislike the musical, I love Serina Ryder's version of it.)

any other 'adult' songs you like to sing to your children?

just a moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

food

I decided to try and follow the food plan in "what to expect when you are expecting", the book, although the web site is similar and helpful too.

o.0

I might get enough protein in a day, but not nearly enough calcium or fruits and veggies.  this is going to be expensive.  dairy wise I do not drink milk, but cheese is fine.  but I'd like to start eating organic as much as possible.

I'm also not following the low fat approach they seem to like.  Fats are so important to me and Rizo's health.  I need to stay away from sugar.  I'm getting off the fruit bottom yogurts (I found one with out corn starch!  but I'll just buy them for J).  we're going to start putting mixed greens on our sandwiches.  I don't really enjoy salad all that much.

It's all a little overwhelming...but I guess I'll just do the best I can!

corporation

I'm forgetting how much about my work situation I've shared. 
In October I started looking for a job to help get though the winter.  I knew EI (employment Insurance) wasn't going to be enough.  I ended up getting hired by Knead Bakery to manage a new cafe.  I broke my finger.  I was able to start at the cafe in the beginning of Nov.  YAY!  right?  woh woh.  wrong.  I GOT FIRED.  not entirely sure why, although I really think the boss is undiagnosed manic depressive.  She fired Sister for stealing food, that, it ends up, was not stolen at all.  Part of me thinks that she did it to make me walk out.  But what ever.  it was for the best.  (on a little tangent, it turns out that she walked away from the lease NYE with out telling the guy she was sub-leasing from...needless to say, she is getting sued)
I applied for one job asap.  I applied on line at Starbucks.  I got an interview.  And an immediate second interview.  And 3 hours later, a job offer.  Score.

I've been feeling at odds about working for Starbucks (again...I worked for them about 10 years ago).  It's a higher than minimum wage job.  After 3 months there are really good benefits.  I get a markout of a pound of coffee (or a box of tea) a week.  There are job descriptions.  There are rules to follow.  I can buy stock, and pay into rrsp, and the company will match it.  If I really wanted, I could transfer to Australia, or Hawaii!

But I feel kinda silly starting a job like this at 32. 

A job is a job.  Paying rent and saving money is good.  I just feel kinda silly.

not impressed

I'm at 6 weeks(ish) now.
I'm underwhelmed with pregnancy. 

haha.

I can't believe there are 34 (ish) more weeks to go! 

I'm feeling annoyed at how much my breasts hurt.  At the fact that I have to eat all the time to stave off queasiness.  That fact I'm tired all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  *grump*

I hope 'they' are right, in that the 2nd trimester is *wonderful*. 

Other not great news is Ma (J's mom) is not pleased.  NY day I was feeling really sick, so I didn't help make dinner.  *She* would have not only made dinner, but scrubbed all the floors and dusted all the nicnaks with a smile.  *She* didn't get sick like that.  (therefore no one can, and if they do they are weak?)

The good news is my mom is dropping everything to come be my doula.  Sare (sister) is super excited to be an aunt, and my dad and SM are excited to be Grandpa Tai and Nanna.

I'm trying to stay positive and trying to get motivated to exercise.  Going to go have a bath then walk to the Y with my camera.  It's +6oC today, and sunny.  Maybe I'll treat myself to a smoothie.

it's started

I'm hoping that this blog doesn't turn into baby blog and I can post about other things soon!  but for now, on the the grain of rice.
That's how big it is right now.

The due date is Sept. 3 2012.

We are planning on a midwife, with a hospital birth.  From what I can gather so far, the midwife admits and discharges, and there is no doctor intervention (in general).  The midwife is in charge.  All the midwife clinics I have contacted are associated with a specific hospital.  I'm hoping my mom is going to be my doula. The only problem with that is she is a teacher and starts school a week before my due date!  I've been thinking of people to be a secondary doula.  I *know* I'll want someone else there, partly so J doesn't worry about me if he needs to step out, and also to hold my other hand!  I have a couple people in mind...but the biggest problem will be their jobs.  I'm amazed at how many people, as much as I like them, I would not want at my birthing!

I want someone who is (or can be) quiet, who will sing to/with me, has cool, soft hands, who can deal with J, and can help me stay clam. 

do you wanna do it?

*edit*

Riverdale midwife group has a birthing centre!  yes please!  I also *really* liked the receptionist.  She was the nicest of them all.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

still no test

I'm waiting to go to Red Tent Sisters for my pregnancy test.  They have paper strips for like, $1.50, as opposed to big plastic sticks for $18+.  They where closed yesterday.  I hardly slept last night!  I kept dreaming about looking at the results!  I never saw them in my dream.

If I *am* pregnant, I've come to the annoying realization that I'm only going to become *more* uncomfortable.  My abdomin already hurts.  Some of my discomfort is IBS.  I think my intestines are a little confused.  Some of it feels somewhat like period cramps...but not quite.  My friend Lannis kindly let me know she walked around for quite a while not doing a test because she figured she was *just* about to get her period.  Turns out it's the uterus growing and the ligaments doing their thing.  My breasts seem to have calmed down some (ie, they don't hurt when I'm just sitting here), but have changed in look.  Not really bigger, but rounder, and veiny. And, after all my families insistence that they didn't have morning sickness...it seems I do.  So far eating isn't a problem.  If I am preg, and it sticks, I have a feeling I'm going to be living on Sha Sha spelt ginger snaps!  I've gotten a lot of tips already.  My biggest problem is going to be making sure I am eating frequently enough at work.  We do generally get a break every 2 hours.  I hope that is enough.

RTS doesn't open until 11, so I'm going back to bed with more chai tea to read and rest. 

Also  It's really cold today!  -15c feels like -26c.  brrrrr.  glad I bough long johns boxing day!  oh, and a new winter coat too!

Happy New Year!

I spent the weekend with Ma (J's mom), Pickle and J.  I finished knitting a sock, finished reading a book and went to bed at 12:03 New Years day.

No pregnancy news yet. 

It seems I vowed not to talk about it, but I'm not sure I can stick to that.  I think I'm going to stay pretty quiet on the Facebook, and stick to talking about it here.  I won't announce the pregnancy posts there either...smrt people will just have to find them on their own...

All this assuming I'm pregnant. 

I'm doing to my first day of work at Starbucks today.  Did I tell you about the whole debakel with my manager job at Knead?  long story short I got fired.  I applied to Starbucks on line, a few days later I got an interview, and a second interview and a job all on the same day! 

perfect timing?  I get to start my job, possibly pregnant, feeling odd, sore and nauseous.  I'll work for 8 months, or less because according to Dr. Internet, if I am pregnant...I'm '5' weeks.  They start counting the first day of your last period.  I guess not everyone can pinpoint the day they conceived.  And really, neither can I.  We 'stopped trying' this cycle.  I *knew* my lizard brain could be fooled.  It was too much pressure for LB to know I was trying, so I told it we had stopped.  I stopped charting and temperature taking.  I did figure out when I might ovulate, but I told LB that it was just keeping track for when we started again.   MWAA HA HA HA.  Well, maybe.

Getting some tests after work.