Everyone keeps asking if I'm freaked out (about being pregnant). I pause. Because, I'm not freaked out. This is something I've wanted for a long time. It's already thrown me for a loop, being so very tired, missing parties already, my body changing. I've been ready for this since the first weeks I was with J.
There is one thing I'm most scared of though. It's post post-partum depression. Being SO depressed I don't even want my baby around. So overwhelmed all I do is cry. That is my biggest worry. That, and that J won't be able to deal with it.
Although on that note, he's been *really* good with me lately. I've been pretty stable mood wise. I was worried I was going to be a basket case. I have my moments, and when they happen (melt downs about my pants not fitting and such) he's so amazing. But I worry about ongoing stress.
I suppose we will have to take it all as it comes, just like I live the rest of my life.
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