some random thoughts

I feel weird for thinking some of these things...but I want to get them out.  maybe I won't feel like throwing up any more.

I can go to Mooseman (a weekend camping trip, I would have been 8+ months preg) and Orphan Burn (an afternoon/evening on the island, would have been due)  now.
I can eat sushi, caffeine, booze and deli meat again.
A friend told me that she didn't want to see babies...or it was hard...I'm feeling the opposite.  I want to cuddle and smell them all.
I'm not feeling sad about other peoples babies.  I'm feeling really happy for them.  for real.  I'm still sad for me though.
I won't be 8 and 9 months pregnant in July and August. 
*edit*  more...
my mom won't have to worry about missing the first days of school. being a teacher, and my doula, this was an issue.  maybe next time she'll be off.
*edit2*
now I'm just fat.  it was a whole lot more fun being 170lbs when I was pregnant. 
but, now I can get in better shape for next time.



One thing I told Mrs. MacDonald (who was very lovely and thoughtful and sent me a message) was that it feels like when you are eating a favourite snack, and you eat the last one with out realizing, and then all of a sudden there is no more, that disappointment, with more sad and more feeling lost and loss. 



I'm taking tomorrow off and have Saturday off.  My manager is wonderful (so is the shift I spoke to last night) and she is going to take care of getting the shift covered.


I have a feeling that I'm not going to tell *anyone* next time.  I'm just going to show up one day with a baby.