hurt

I hurt.  My whole body hurts right now.  I think the actual miscarriage is starting.  Feeling rather crampy.  I have a headache from the crying.  My lower back has been sore for a while now.  And I'm just *tense*. 
I took 2 tylonal earlier...but I don't remember what time, so I'll wait a little longer, maybe take some with dinner.

I was about to apologize. 

I'm not going to.  I need to get this stuff out. 

I feel heavy.  Half physical, and half in the '70s sense of 'that's heavy', 'cause if anything is 'heavy' this is.


I'm feeling very thankful that we got to see a midwife Tuesday.  She has been very helpful.  The nice thing is that now that we have been a client, even only for 2 days, we have even more priority for next time.

I'm thankful for social media.  Even though I officially announced the pregnancy Tuesday (hey, we saw a midwife...it was official...), and had to tell everyone 2 days later we lost it.  The feeling of love and positivity from people is helpful.  And my darling Marni sent flowers.  Friends are good.


There is a dinner for friends next Friday night.  I would like to go.  I want to surround myself with happy.  I hope I'm past melt down mode by then.


My mind keeps going to adoption.  I'm scared I won't be able to carry full term.  The radiologist found something odd (I don't know what...I'll find out Monday when I see the obstretition), so I worry.  We've go a history, on all sides of adoption, so the thought sits well with me.


I'm sure I'll have some more random thoughts later.  Thanks for listening if you are.