to much going on for anything to be going on

I've been feeling rather stretched lately.  Because, so far, I've worked 2 weeks straight with no days off, and I'm due for another week,  until next Wednesday (the 18th).  I get a day, then I can only assume that the next day off I get will be my birthday on the 28th.  And that won't be very restful because I planed a day of fun!  At least it will be fun?  The week after that I have almost a week off! Thursday - Tuesday. I hope I don't get sick during my little vacation!!

I couldn't sleep last night.  I generally don't have a problem sleeping, but this time, my mind wouldn't stop.  I was worrying about money.  For heavens sake, I have two jobs, Jason has a job, what's my problem!?  oh right, we're playing catch up.  As always, we where *thisclose* to 0.  running on fumes.  (in my line of work, that would be tips, $15-$20 a week tips).  I owe the government $200+, I still owe Sunnybrook 50$ for my cast thinger.  And I just got a notice from Hydro...oh, our power will be cut off on the 20th if I don't pay...right. fuck, that.  I'll get it payed before then.  Friday morning.  and our organic bin is over due too.  So much for saving second jobs pay.  I had this grand plan.  putting it away, and by November having $4000+ saved.  I'm about $900 behind already.

I feel like such a...loser. 

urg.


Budgeting is next to impossible.  Jason isn't guaranteed any hours.  He's just casual, so he is constantly worried.  And he has mondo bills to pay too.  (did you know only people who have racked up credit card debt can get help?)


Sometimes I feel like we are at the bottom of the hill, with nothing to hold on to, and every time we get part way up that hill we go *phew!* and because we stopped scrambling, we slide ALL THE WAY DOWN AGAIN.  All I can say is, other than Jason's school and taxes, we have no debt.  he's slowly picking away at those, and sometimes I feel like they will always be there what with interest and all.

I keep thinking of things we can cut back on.  The organics bin is the only thing that I'd consider a luxury.  The internet??  maybe.  Being on the paleo diet?  Meat isn't cheap.  But I'd say 90% I buy on sale.

I dunno if I'll ever be able to be a SAHM/W.

actually.  all I want to do is rest.

Fucking first world problems.  wha wha wha!  I have two jobs.  I just want to watch tv all day!  wha wah wah

OWWWCH

So.  this is a bit of a TMI post...if you don't want to hear about sore breasts and the like, then don't bother continuing.

I'm going to say this 'out loud',  because as you know...I can't keep things quiet.  I seem to need to talk things out, and you dear reader(s?) don't talk back, or at least, not while I'm mid sentence.  And if it doesn't turn out to be true, I'll know pretty quick!

I'm seriously thinking I'm pregnant.    These past few months, every time I've said it, I get my period, so that's why I'm saying it...

But here is why, this month, I think I am.

I didn't spot this month.  I always do.  Very light, and un-worriesome, but always.
I have a lot fewer zits.  I always break out right before my period.  Not this month.
My breasts are SO sore.  I'm not even *doing* anything (ie, yoga, lying on my stomach, hugging someone) and they HURT.  I think they're kinda bigger too... now, I often get sore breasts, but usually during ovulation.
My lower back hurts.  I have been going to the Y and doing yoga/swimming/tai chi/rowing, so the extra exercise might be part of it, but it is listed as an early symptom.
I'm nauseous.  I'm not throwing up, not close...but there is a mild, more in the morning, queezyness.  I was attributing this to my chrismasitis and anxiety... 
I'm SO tired.  
Moo-dy.  I'm surprising even myself!  I cry over the smallest things, and I'm cranky and irritable.  If I am pregnant, it's a wonder Jason doesn't leave!  Poor partners.  or, it could just be PMS...

I'm finding it very frustrating that pregnancy and PMS symptoms are very similar!

I'm only3 or 4 days late...and, like, 4/5ths of those could be PMS too.  I'm feeling oddly crampy, but that might be too much cheese!  It's just wishful thinking I'm sure.  I just wish my breasts would stop hurting.

*edit*  certain food smells are making me feel quite ill too *groan*