to much going on for anything to be going on

I've been feeling rather stretched lately.  Because, so far, I've worked 2 weeks straight with no days off, and I'm due for another week,  until next Wednesday (the 18th).  I get a day, then I can only assume that the next day off I get will be my birthday on the 28th.  And that won't be very restful because I planed a day of fun!  At least it will be fun?  The week after that I have almost a week off! Thursday - Tuesday. I hope I don't get sick during my little vacation!!

I couldn't sleep last night.  I generally don't have a problem sleeping, but this time, my mind wouldn't stop.  I was worrying about money.  For heavens sake, I have two jobs, Jason has a job, what's my problem!?  oh right, we're playing catch up.  As always, we where *thisclose* to 0.  running on fumes.  (in my line of work, that would be tips, $15-$20 a week tips).  I owe the government $200+, I still owe Sunnybrook 50$ for my cast thinger.  And I just got a notice from Hydro...oh, our power will be cut off on the 20th if I don't pay...right. fuck, that.  I'll get it payed before then.  Friday morning.  and our organic bin is over due too.  So much for saving second jobs pay.  I had this grand plan.  putting it away, and by November having $4000+ saved.  I'm about $900 behind already.

I feel like such a...loser. 

urg.


Budgeting is next to impossible.  Jason isn't guaranteed any hours.  He's just casual, so he is constantly worried.  And he has mondo bills to pay too.  (did you know only people who have racked up credit card debt can get help?)


Sometimes I feel like we are at the bottom of the hill, with nothing to hold on to, and every time we get part way up that hill we go *phew!* and because we stopped scrambling, we slide ALL THE WAY DOWN AGAIN.  All I can say is, other than Jason's school and taxes, we have no debt.  he's slowly picking away at those, and sometimes I feel like they will always be there what with interest and all.

I keep thinking of things we can cut back on.  The organics bin is the only thing that I'd consider a luxury.  The internet??  maybe.  Being on the paleo diet?  Meat isn't cheap.  But I'd say 90% I buy on sale.

I dunno if I'll ever be able to be a SAHM/W.

actually.  all I want to do is rest.

Fucking first world problems.  wha wha wha!  I have two jobs.  I just want to watch tv all day!  wha wah wah

feeling down

I'm feeling blue today.

I left work early because I was feeling dizzy.
That was 8:30, it's 1 pm and I'm still feeling dizzy.
I googled dizziness during pregnancy and it's normal.  My blood vessels are opening up to give Rizo more blood...but that is leaving me with less in my poor brain.
I was going to go see a friend and his band play this afternoon.  I had a shower and got dressed, but I don't think I'll be up for it.  Dizzy doesn't make for good socializing.

I'm also at the stage where, although I'm showing, the bump is just...not round and...obvious.  It's doing a number on my self esteem.  I'm looking forward to...month 5? when it's obvious I'm pregnant.

And J has been gone for the weekend and I miss him.  Hugs are very important to me. (um...so is J...not just for the hugs...)


And I'm crying at EVERYTHING.  Criminal Minds to Rapunzel! 

The sun is shining, I'm going to attempt a short walk to buy a steak.  And some sort of veg I suppose.

*edit*

The wonderful Mr. and Mrs. MacDonald came and picked me up and brought me (and them) to the show.  I have the best friends evar.  Feeling less dizzy.  YAY!  *now* off to get the steak!