St. Patrick's Day

I don't like St. Patrick's day.  Actually, I don't agree with it, or I don't agree with what it has become. 

I'm assuming (because I'm not going to bother researching because I'm a lazy bum remember?) that it was/is a Catholic thing.  So why do we all 'celebrate' this holiday?  WITH GETTING FALLING DOWN DRUNK?

I don't drink.
I don't judge you for drinking, even for getting drunk.  I don't understand *why*, but I'm not judging.


Back to St. Patrick's day.  Fine, you gunna go get hammered?  Why are you using this 'holiday' to excuse it?


I guess we generally feel we need a reason to have fun (if you call feeling sick the next day fun...).  From "I had a bad day, give me chocolate" to "hey!  it's a random day with a St.'s name attached to it!  let's get hammered"

*...processing...*

I think I just became enlightened!  In Pema Chodron's "living with uncertainty" she talks a bit about pleasure, and avoiding seeking it out.  I never really understood that.  What is wrong with having chocolate ice cream, or even a beer?  I *think* it's not so much the chocolate or beer, or even getting drunk that is the 'problem', but the seeking out an escape, or pleasure.  It's the *looking* that's the 'problem'.  If we are looking for something different, we aren't living and accepting now.

"I want chocolate, it will make me happy"  is different from "sure, I'll have a piece of chocolate since you offered, mmmmm it's good"

I've 'given up' drinking because I don't feel I need it.  I tell people that I can act like a fool with out it.  And who wants to be sick the next day anyway?  ON PURPOSE even.

So, think about that.  I promise promise promise I don't look down upon you for drinking any more than I look down upon the people I serve coffee to everyday.  I'm no exception.  I have my 'vices', I'm not better than you.


*edit*

I'm feeling rather strange about all this though.  I think I'm scared I'm going to offend people for telling them not to seek out pleasure.  I'm not sure I can articulate exactly what I mean. 

Feeling good  isn't bad.
 ...

I've been working on not seeing *anything* as bad or good.  Things just are. 
If you *are* feeling offended by what I said, maybe (I'm going to do it again I think...) maybe there is a reason you feel offended?

By you reading this doesn't mean I think you need to think this along with me.  It doesn't mean I think I'm right.  But just that it feels right to me.


have I stuck my foot way up there? 


I hope you understand. 

YOWZA!

So.  North lent me (loaned me???!!!) Comfortable With Uncertainty: 108 teachings on cultivating fearlessness and compassion  by Pema Chodron.  108 page and a half bits of wonderfulness.  I read some one my way to, and back from St. Lawrence Market today.  being me, once I found something I resonated with, I exclaimed out loud  "oh,wow, this is amazing" and started to weep.  ha ha.  What really got me was '4:  The Wisdom of No Escape'

The Central Question of a warriors training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear, but how we relate to discomfort.  How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day?  For those of us with a hunger to know the truth, painful emotions are like flags going up to say, "you're stuck!"  We regard disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, jealousy, and fear as moments that show us we are holding back, how we're shutting down.  Such uncomfortable feelings are messages that tell us to perk up and lean into a situation when we'd rather cave in and back away.  

When the flag goes up, we have an opportunity: we can stay with our painful emotion in stead of spinning out (of control??).  Staying is how we get the hang of catching ourselves when we're about to let resentment harden into blame, righteousness , or alienation.  (wow)  It's also how we keep from smoothing things over by talking ourselves into a sense of relief and inspiration.  This is easier said than done.

Ordinarily we are swept away by habitual momentum.  We don't interrupt out patterns even slightly.  With practice, however, we learn to stay with a broken heart, with a nameless fear, with the desire for revenge.  Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears.  We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times everyday simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainty of the present moment--over and over again.

This might not be where you are right now.  This may not speak to you as it did me.  That is fine.  It's all fine!  I feel SO amazing today.  (and I'm attempting to rest in that! )  I also recently wrote about leaning into ____.  I think I'm starting to understand what 'leaning into ____" means.  It's about accepting.  I find it hard to accept.  I find myself thinking if I accept it I have to like it.  That's not the case.  

One thing I had a little 'enlightenment' about yesterday was the word 'responsible'.  I don't know about the roots of the word...but to be *truly* be responsible, you need to be able to respond.  In order to be able to respond, you need to accept whet is happening.  Did  you ever play with guck when you where little?  all it was was corn starch and water in the right proportions.  When you hit it, it was like a solid, and when you where gentle, it was a liquid.  That's what came to mind when we where talking about that.  Punch it, push it away, get mad, it's solid, and isn't going anywhere, but be gentle and let it surround you, and it isn't hard.  You can pass right through.  

So, to be responsible, you need to be response able, able to respond.  You can't respond when you are pushing away your 'problem', fighting it.  Everything changes, everything ends.  

So, I'm trying to remember to accept what ever it is I want to fight, so I am response able.  Sisu and I where going to go rant in the park shouting back and forth "response!"  "ABLE!".  We didn't...but we should have!