all alone

J is away once or 2ce a month with Pickle.  A whole weekend to myself.

I like being alone, and not having to do anything or think of anyone but myself. 
Case in point.  I completely waisted about $20 on junk food this weekend.  Blue cheese, pate, ice cream, multi grain smoked cheddar crisps, cereal.  Food J either doesn't like, or food I don't want to share. (see...re my last post...I'm not pointing the finger at others with out seeing my own 'faults' too!!  when I came home I felt SO guilty for spending that money on non necessities, allowing myself to not care, giving into "this food will make me feel good", and not wanting to share.  So I accepted it, and ate the ice cream in 2 days)

Don't get me wrong.  I love J very very much, and he still makes me smile when he walks in the door.  I won't be getting rid of him any time...ever.

But that solitude.  SO GOOD.  I'm not even doing anything productive with it.  Indulging in the solitude.

I guess that's all I wanted to say.  I like being alone.  And I'll have to make sure it's built into my month once Pickle grows too old for visits, and we have kids together.  I read about strangers (on blogs) and watch friends going mad not having time alone.  I know I'll have to make date night/day/weekend with my self in order to stay sane.  I can't feel guilty about that, because a sane wife/mommy is a happy wife/mommy/ME.

i am frusterated

I am Grumpy.  I don't mean that I'm grumpy today, or when I'm PMSing.  I have come to the realization that I *really* don't like people.I see people I consider friends on my terms see?  I don't feel like being social, I don't go out.  (huh, do I cancel plans a lot?? I'm sorry if I do.)
The people I've spoken to about the way I act around and treat J don't understand.  "but you are so loving and sweet!"  my reply, "That's because you don't live with me."  Don't get me wrong, I *am* loving and sweet to J, just not all the time.  Most if the time I'm a bit of a jerk. 
Part of the problem is I'm not all that self aware.  That is changing some.
Part of it is entitlement.
Those things = mega bitch. 

(one day when Pickle was here we made super hero/villain names, J was Captain Obvious,Pickle was...huh, I can't remember, but I was The Pain.)

J deals with it fairly well, but when he has his own problems he doesn't.

For example.  I've been noticing (yay...self aware) that the last couple days I've been super grumpy.  In part because I have been sick, and not breathing properly since Thursday.  Not an excuse, just a reason.  Jason does this thing where he glances at me, over and over, when I'm in a mood, and since I'm in a mood, I finally 'say' "What!?".  And he does the "oh...nothing" thing.  This morning I say "Please stop being passive aggressive and just TELL ME what I'm doing that is bothering you?"  (because a lot of the time I really don't know how bitchy I am)  His big thing is getting defensive, so, because *he* is stressed out (oh life and your curve balls), says "fine, I'll just be aggressive, don't talk to me today"  and *I* say "next time try being assertive instead of aggressive and just tell me what's wrong"

We haven't spoken since. 

Wait, what was I talking about?

Me being a grump. 
We have Sisu staying with us.  I like her.  She's an excellent room mate.  But having someone in my space has made me realise how anti social I really am.  *sigh*  (so Sisu, if you are reading this, it's me not you!)

I think things are worse *right now* because I'm not working, *and* I have a broken finger in a huge splint *and* have bronchitis so I have hardly been out of the house for almost a week.  And sex with bronchitis...ha.

and sometimes...

...sometimes home remedies just don't do the trick and one gets sick regardless.

It seems as though I have bronchitis.  The great part about having a nurse for a husband is he has a stethoscope and knows how to use it.  After listening to my lungs J figured there wasn't any fluid (not pneumonia) but my bronchi where mightily inflamed.  I was wheezing, and my chest was rattling!!  It seemed to have started with a mild sinus infection that either moved to my airway or, allowed a second infection to move in.  Regardless, I'm miserable!

I got some recommendations for herbs to use to help with the cough.  I went to Thuna Herbs and they made me a tea.  It tastes like...gross.  Very bitter.  But after 3 doses, it seems to be working...my coughing is less, but actually productive.  (meaning I'm coughing up mucus, rather than coughing for no good reason).  I also too Buckly's so I could sleep better.  Talk about gross.  *sigh*.  I was looking for something without sugar as I had been drinking a lot of honeylemonginger, and I was sugared out.  I took one for a wet cough, that helps with mucus.

I'm feeling somewhat better today.  I couldn't breath yesterday, and felt 80.  I feel at least 40 today.  (ha ha).  still a little wheezy, but much less zombified.

Super sad to have missed Hallowe'en though.

The "cough support" tea was:
1/2 oz horehound
1 oz of each
coltsfoot
thyme
red poppy
nettle

One tbsp *loose* in a mug steeped in very hot water for 20 minutes.  Strain and drink.  Do not add sweeteners, but add lemon juice if you want (I added a half a lemon).  At least three times a day.

Now, this morning I had drank a cup of black coffee before drinking the tea, and the tea was bearable.  maybe the bitter coffee helped with the bitter herbs.  It seems to be helping the sick...lets hope no one eles gets it!

OH!  also, J got his first nursing job today!  YA!

More homeopathy and some life

So, two days later.  I had scaled back the pellets.  More pain!  I'm going to go back to the dose I was doing before and see if it helps.  Very interesting.

No news from the specialist, so I better call.  Sunnybrook ER was great, but I guess ER docs don't hand out info, like how long I'll be in this danged cast.  Harvey is great, but I want my hand back!

Some good news, at least from a friend who's torn finger ligaments.  He didn't have surgery, just physio.  So I have hope that *if* the ligaments where torn, no knives will be involved.

This has thrown me for a loop.  I'm pretty sure I'm depressed!  The little motivation I had before is gone, all I want to do is eat and watch movies.  I almost forgot to go to La and Nat's book launch.  I had even reminded J, and myself several times.  I did make it, with 15 minutes to spare.  I almost turned around too!  (go check out Sparrowling Press!)  Right now my cure is getting up and getting out!

I'm attending a conference with Sister this weekend.  Friends are coming over to watch a movie.  Sounds good.  J is going away to GWs with Pickle, so I'm glad I've got busy!

homeopathy

I am not a huge fan of pain killers.  They are important, and I take them, but sparingly and when I need to be pain free, ie, work or can't back out of something.

I was given a scrip for percoset, and I filled it, without the intention of taking it.  I decided to take homeopathic remedies instead.  I have been taking arnica and symphytum.  My mom has taken only arnica for two relatively minor surgeries, with great success, so I thought I'd give it a go.

So far, 3rd full day after accident, and 2nd after the freezing wore off, I'm feeling pretty good.  There is some discomfort and pain but it's tolerable.  J was saying "wow, you must have a really high tolerance for pain, healing bones are painful!"  I'm going to say it's the remedies! 

learn more about homeopathics here or do your  own google search

Becca, the Grumpy housewife

I need to vent.  Pardon me while I slink over here and throw a mild tantrum.

I'm mighty tired of my cast already.  Harvey is already really dirty.
I can't do up most buttons.
I can't fold laundry.

I haven't tried my camera yet.
I haven't tried to knit.
Might not...I don't want the disappointment.

I can't learn to juggle, or take my driving test.

OK positives...

I can organise our book shelves.  I now have time.
I can visit friends who are available during the day.


pout.

Becca, the gimpy housewife

In two seconds I went to having two jobs and one fully functional hand to maybe one job, and two partially functional hands.
This Saturday I rolled my ankle, fell, and dislocated and fractured my left pinkie.  The ankle is blessedly just fine.  My left hand is in a gutter (half) cast.  We (my darling friend Miss. for the first half and J for the second) where only in the ER for 2 hours.  The worst part was the needles for freezing.  That pain was worth it for the reduction (putting everything back into place).  I just kept saying "woah...that feels so weeiiiiiirrrd". 
I say 2 partially functional hands because Friday I cut my thumb sharpening tools at work!!!  It's quickly on the mend, but some tasks hurt, like hitting the space bar, turning a key, or pulling a zipper.
There is no way to finish the gardening season now.  I'm hoping to be able to get medical leave EI (employment insurance).  I *just* got hired at a new job too.  Not sure how that will work out now.
Well.  At least I can still cook.  Just eating a lamb stew I gimpped together lol.  nice and 'rustic'.
I'm getting tired of one fingered typing...

my new friend Harvey

the good, the bad and the medical

The Good:
I'm not dead!  wait...let me back track to
The Bad:
I am pretty sure I had a concussion yesterday.  At work I was pulling down some old clematis vines on a pergola, and a large rotted finial came crashing down on my head.  It was solid wood 4x4, about 10 inches tall.  not fun.  No blood, no lost time.  I didn't black out.  But early on, my pupils didn't dilate, and I was dizzy.  Thank goodness J is training to be a nurse.  He chastised me for not going to the hospital (I wonder if *he* would have!).  I stayed up for about 10 hours (supposed to be 12...)  I woke up several times on my own and spoke out loud.  I woke up mildly dizzy. 
I had a doctors appointment today for a follow up on previous test for abdominal pain a month ago.  An aside to that, was that my platelets are low.  Not in the danger zone (lower than 100 is danger, a month ago I was at 118), but enough of a concern especially that combined with a flipping concussion!  oi.  I'm staying home today.  Not on doctors orders, but because I feel like it.  Heh.  I decided I deserved a day off due to concussion, as if I haven't been off for the last 4 months!  My head and neck *are* killing me, and my doc. recommended I didn't take anything *because* my platelets are low and with my concussion it's not great in case something gets worse.

The Medical:
The abdominal pain a month ago was due to ovarian cysts!  or, one bursting anyway.  I didn't put that in the bad (or good ha ha) because they are common and not dangerous for someone my age.  And It's a bit of a relief because it hurt *so* much I thought my intestines where going to burst.  She said it won't effect Project MakeBaby.  I'm going to do a little more research, because I'm feeling it a little again today...(before she told me!)  I wonder if cysts happen at ovulation due to hormones.  I also wonder if this hasn't been the cause of my pain all along.  I have been diagnosed with IBS, and my BMs would concur with that.  I've always had tummy troubles, especially in regards to my stress levels/moods.  But the *pain*.  I wonder if the few ultrasounds I've had have missed them.  My old doctor didn't even suggest that it's what they could be (even though a couple friends and my MIL have!).

back to The Good:
I'm alive, even though my head hurts.

*edit*
It turns out my head *did* get cut!  I was feeling my lump and I have a scab.  I guess my platelets aren't too low, and the cut wasn't too big.  I really should have gone to the hospital.  oh well.

tutorial Tuesday - Kim Chi!

Tuesdays have been named Tutorial Tuesdays!
It is my hope to post a tutorial once a week.

From cooking to crafting to gardening to space travel...

today...KIM CHI!

J (the husband) took up to Korean BBQ.
Have you ever been?
It's all you can eat grilled meat and fish.  they give you sides of kim chi (kim chee, kimchi), spicy potatos, and rice.  you all sit around a grill, open flame, and grill and eat as much as you can.  I've only been once.  It was WAY to much meat for me, not enough vegetables.  But I fell in love with kim chi.  Fermented spicy cabbage.

I found some at my grocery store.  At almost $5 a short jar it was a rare treat (not to mention it went really fast and  not always stocked!).  I would eat it in a day if I let myself.

I have IBS, and I was concerned that I might be negatively effected by eating so much at once!  It turns out not!  It's really good for you and aids digestion.  No wonder Koreans eat it a lot!

I figured I'd try making it.

I used this recipe.  There are a lot of different versions, and this one seemed simplest.


ingredients:

Napa cabbage - approximately one pound
4 cups of cold water
3 tablespoons of sea salt
1 tablespoon of fresh garlic, finely chopped
1 tablespoon of fresh ginger, finely chopped
1 tablespoon of fresh green onions (scallions), finely chopped
1 teaspoon of dried red chili pepper flakes (more if you like things spicy, less if you don't)
1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons of sugar

First you cut the butt end off.  I forgot to take a photo, but please take note of the pretty pattern the end makes!

Rinse the leaves in cold water.
(this part sucked 'cause we keep our apartment pretty cold 'cause electricity costs so much!)
Pack 'em in a bowl and cover with cold, salted water.  Put a plate and a weight on top and stick in the fridge over night.

 

 

 

 Chop up your green onions, garlic and ginger.  I did more than the recipe called for.  I had a big cabbage.  In retrospect, I would have used less ginger and green onion.

 

 I blended all the ingredients because I don't chop very fine.  It made it much easier to spread on the leaves.

I didn't take photos of this next bit...it was too messy!   I spread a small amount of the paste on each leaf and shoved them into a big jar.  I might try chopping the cabbage first next time and just kinda tossing it around...
You don't have to put a lot on each leaf.  When it starts to ferment it all gets yummy.

I used two jars and 2/3rds of the cabbage. 

Stick the jar somewhere not cold.  Warm room temp.  (that means for my cold apartment I put it about a foot away from a heater!  The jar never got warm.)

Then you wait 3 or 4 days. 

If you have a sensitive nose...um...beware.  When you open the jar, it smells like old garbage feet.  J came home from a weekend away and exclaimed "wow!  it stinks in here!  didn't you take out the garbage?"
So, don't open it the day you have company...unless maybe they are Korean...they might enjoy the smell as much as I do...

I wasn't thrilled with the results.  I think it had a lot to do with too much ginger and green onion, and maybe not enough marinating time.  I've put it in the fridge and left it alone, and it's better.

I also made kim chi soup.  OH DIVINITY!  So good.  I used this recipe and added shitake mushrooms.  I got so excited I didn't take photos of the finished kim chi or the soup.  Next time!