a look back

Way back in early December my friend Paul did a maternity photo shoot with us. 

This isn't really typical FeeGunn style but he loves me so we did a 'vanilla' shoot.  He did a fab job, and I'm really happy we did it!

Paul/FeeGunn is great at events, capturing amazing candid moments.  He's also is getting even more creative and has started setting up styled shoots.  Check out his web site.  Hire him for an event!!

http://www.feegunn.com/

Here are the results of our beaches photo shoot:

Note I used the term 'vanilla'.  We also did a shoot with my clown Fanny Anarchy.  Those are more FeeGunn's style.  I'll share those some time soon...those are a little less 'vanilla'.

things i liked last week

I liked these things I saw last week.  maybe you saw them too, maybe you showed them to me!  but maybe, these things will make your week a little better too!

Best PSA evar.  (this was stuck in my head until I finally fell asleep last night!)

Best socks evar!  one day I will learn how to make a pattern and knit fun things from my head.

I love me some good photography.  it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.  These are some incredible portraits.

oh hai!

Yesterday was our friends Foxes and Dragon's wedding day.

The night before I think, "I wonder if they have a photographer"
On the off chance J knew I asked, and our friend Mouse was taking photos.

I knew I'd bring my camera, but I spoke to Foxes and Mouse to 'clear it' that I could be 'A Photographer'.
So I was, and I did.

and

It Was Good.


This was the first time since Feb./March that I had, in earnest, picked up the camera.

I immediately edited a few teaser shots for FB consumption.
Here they are for you to view too:

The wedding was beautiful.


I think I just reignited my photography passion too.

healing with photography

breath 1

breath 2

breath 3

breath 4

compassion

focus

pain

*edit*

This morning at 8:30 the sun came over the building across the street.  As it shone in my eyes, I felt like I could breath again.  I hadn't realized I was holding my breath.

I has a sad. or my first world problems.

here comes my 1/4 life crisis.  or, a wave of depression...or you know, I was just laying in bed thinking.

I'm 32.  I don't have a job.  OK, wait.  I have a job.  Maybe.  In the spring.  But it's a job I don't want.  Partly because I'm not enjoying it any more, part because the stone work is to physically hard, and *that's* what I enjoy doing.  But I'm not going to wreck my body and injure myself.  Part because my boss went off the deep end last season and has odd expectations off me and has no patience for when I don't meet them.

I had not planned on going back in April. 

I also planned on getting pregnant so I didn't *have* to go back.  But *that* so far has been a bust.  *sigh*

I had what I thought was a great job.  I was managing a cafe.  I was organising, and getting things done, I was enjoying customer relations (something I've grown into apparently).  and one day, I got fired.  *BAM*  out of nowhere.  apparently, I was...not meeting their expectations.  Now, I know you read this in the paragraph before.  I've been beating myself up over this.  The cafe job, there was zero communication.  You say 'manager/supervisor', I do a job I think is what a 'manager/supervisor' does.  They didn't give me a job description, so I was winging it.  I'm more sad than anything over the situation.  I mean, I'm angry too, but I'm not frothing.

So, I have no job.  I can't get a gardening job over the winter.  And really, I don't want to,because I don't want to lead on a potential long term employer if I'm going to get pregnant.  Does that make *any* sense?  I guess I'm looking at other jobs that have high turn over, like Starbucks, to work.  then, I get the old brain thinking, "crappit.  I'm 32.  and I want to go work at *Starbucks!?*".  I feel ashamed because I didn't get any ducks in a line earlier.  I feel embarrassed too.  Is there something wrong with me? 

I keep thinking of my friend Sadie, who started a Hoop empire.  She's a biophysicist for heavens sake, and she followed her heart, and started hooping, something she *loves*.  I keep racking my brain.  what can I do?  what do I love?  and I get zip. 

Photography. 
I'm doing it.  I have a photo blog, I'm taking classes, I've got a book (YES!  A BOOK!) coming out, with a show attached to that...and then?  I've talked about Vivienne before.  She's another who has taken a passion and made it shine.  Do I have the chops for something like that?  In photography?  I think the best thing for me to do here is keep learning and keep walking this path.  I love it so.  But the way is not clear.

Horticulture.
I'm not sure I have the talent for it.  I'd like to keep working on it.  There was one point I wanted to do 'horticulture therapy', helping the elderly and disabled to garden more easily.  I'll keep that in mind too. 

But I guess what it comes down to is I'm feeling sorry for myself, and a little scared because Jason's back is not great, and I'm so scared that he won't be able to work, and there is no way we can survive on Starbucks wage.

art

December views

Right now I'm not feeling there is much I want to say.  I've been feeling frusterated and pressured to write, so I ignore it.  I want to continue this blog!  pressure doesn't help.  SO, I found out about a blogger who started "December Views".  I'm going to attempt a photo every day in December to take the pressure off me writing. 

who knows, now maybe I'll write more.  I don't work well under pressure.  It makes me want to do the opposite!  Since I'm taking a lot more photos lately with Light Hunting, this shouldn't be a stretch.

here is my first December 'view':

I'm baaaaaaack

HUZZAH!
I have my laptop back, or, I should say, I now have power!

I'm not going to go back over the past few weeks and try to catch up.  too overwhelming.
I've had my laptop going for a few days now.  But I've been manically creating art!  I started the Vivienne McMaster workshop Swan Dive.  I've been loving it.  The first week was working with tone and colour.  We where encouraged to make a right out mess.  Play with Picnik until the image was unrecognizable.  This one was my favourite mess.  (it's on the desktop, and flickr won't let me download my image!)
next was layering textures.    I think I went a little off the beaten path with mine, but I LOVE them.  here are my favourites:

I've been feeling rather well for the past few days, in mind body and spirit.  I'm attesting some of it to this creating I'm doing. 

Greeting Cards!

I have a new page on my photography blog.  One that sells my images on greeting cards.  I take my photographs and hand sew them onto blank, white, recycled greeting cards.